Who is that Ref?

Reporter: Naïve JUAN.

On a crisp Monday night, as Doncaster City  and Endeavour Hills lined up for what was set to be an interesting “Friendly” by two teams at the top end of a non-existing ladder (NEL)”, out strolls the ref who also happens to be the captain of the third team that would benefit from Doncaster City losing on the NEL.

An ominous sign and with words of wisdom from the Gaffer to go out and enjoy the purity of the game, kick off commenced.

An addition to the midfield, Craig glided his way around the park and moved the ball around to John MOORE on the left wing and between them; they were finding lots of room to conduct efficient attacks. Ray must have had the bungee cord untied from Eric in the back and sprung up the right side and was making aggressive attacking manoeuvres resulting in a shot going just wide.

Excellent ball movement through the midfield exploited the vacant land at the left front of the pitch resulted in a brilliant cross by John that was volleyed in by Pauly C. No exocet missile this time, more of a lobbed bomb. 1-0

Defence again were totally solid and although Rick (GK) got to play with the ball, all of Endeavour Hills attacks were relatively easily thwarted. In the middle, Glen did his best to assist Endeavour Hills when a pass to his feet went astray. There was a delay between his brain recognising the ball and actually moving his feet – you could have used an egg timer to measure the reaction.

Efficient passing and movement throughout the side eventuated in a driving shot that was deflected cleverly in by Rick (aka Archie THOPMSON hip, hip hooray). 2-0 half time.

Shortly into the second half the football took a back seat to the stage show performed by the ref.

An attack by Endeavour Hills was ruled offside by Steve BROWN running the line for Endeavour Hills. The call was ignored by the ref and the resulting tackle ended up being called a foul just outside of the box against City’s goal. BROWNY asked the ref why was he there if he wasn’t going to use him to which the ref said, “You’re a cheat!” Now this writer has seen many a thing on the dance floor of the world game, but never an insult like that from a ref! BROWNY was very accepting of the compliment with the ever efficient reply of “Get f**d”, he walked off handing the flag to the next unsuspecting victim.

Now having lived a sheltered life and never having been exposed to such hostile vocabulary I turned to the internet to educate myself. I looked for images but instead came up with this:

Cheat : act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage. Wikipedia

Cheating: is the receiving of a reward for ability or finding an easy way out of an unpleasant situation by dishonest means. It is generally used for the breaking of rules to gain unfair advantage in a competitive situation. Wikipedia

The pot calling the kettle black” is a proverbial idiom that may be of Spanish origin of which English versions began to appear in the first half of the 17th century. The idiom is glossed in the original sources as being used of a person who is guilty of the very thing of which they accuse another and is thus an example of psychological projection.

Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which the human ego defends itself against unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is habitually cheating may constantly accuse other people of being a cheat. It incorporates blame shifting.

With the rock hard wall of the usual rear guard of Gideon, MOORE and Jeremy, nothing got through from the myriad of free kicks that were “given” to Endeavour Hills.

Endeavour Hills were true to their name and having a crack trying to get the breakthrough to close the score and at the other end, the situation was becoming untenable with Pauly C being clipped on the way to a “certain goal” on his own having broken through the last defender. A foul only with coloured business cards being kept in the holder.

City kept patiently moving the ball playing the possession game well and calmly shutting down attacks, for a little while anyway until Eric coming through and challenging a pass won the ball but must have accidently breathed on an opponent and a foul was called. Eric told the ref to do something to himself that is anatomically very difficult to do and was sent off for 10 minutes.

Rick and Pauly C had offside calls that were decided without use of the linesman which would have ended Endeavour’s plight, both goal scoring denials.

Incredibly the Gaffer calmed all with his further words of wisdom, “Calm the f** down”, and it worked with another play aided by Craig to see Pauly C plop another bomb to lock the game down 3-0.

My next report may include the results where I will to go to the internet machine to look up the word “F**”, and maybe include images.

Muppet award surely goes to the ref whose tireless attempts to have Endeavour Hills win did not pay off. A close second is Rick (Archie THOPMSON Hip hip Hooray) who was gifted a perfect lob, which dropped to his feet in the box directly in front of goal and choked.

BMW Man of the Match goes to Rick whose saves and goal kicking clearances surprisingly hasn’t ended in torn hamstrings.

Leave a Reply