First Goal Ever – but well worth the wait!!

The kosher reporter – The Big Gid

It was a wild and windy night my friends and the Gaffer’s team talk was all about us simply “enjoying ourselves”. So true to form we started the match defending into a gale, finding it difficult to judge the ball – at least this was our excuse, for all the balls that were turned over.

Despite being under some early pressure from the fast moving Regent forwards, we managed to get into the opposition’s box but surprise, surprise, missed the finishing touch to a score a goal. The referee was a Juventus plant (perhaps a daisy?) and tried his very best to help Regent, including calling “play on” when Harrison was dragged to the ground in the penalty box via a headlock.

Shortly after we won a corner, which carried to the back post. Frank C couldn’t get out of the way in time but still managed to nod the ball onto the post.

Regent kept on attacking but appeared to have no serious efforts on goal. But then from our goal kick, Rick passed the ball short to Ron W. He dillied and dallied and Christmas gifted the ball to Regent’s Frank, who gratefully slotted home to lead 1-0.

Soon after this Frank C, muttering something about “I’m playing every position on the park”, decided to fall over and was required to be carried off. This allowed Eric S, ‘the tactical maestro of the match’, to fully implement his masterplan. By removing Frank from the match, this changed the whole balance of the team. Everything immediately clicked into gear for City as they took control of the game. Thanks to Frank for putting the team first for once, City dominated the last 10 minutes of the half as they pushed for an equaliser. Even the Gaffer, distracted by his untied shoe lace, was in full flow and had another shot at goal. Once again history has a habit of repeating itself, as unfortunately we are just not sure where he thought the goal was!

Half-time 1-0 to Regent and we all headed to the changing room just to get some respite from the weather – all except ‘no mates’ Graham, who loyally kept the bench warm. Clearly with Gid having used the first 10 minutes of the game preparing for his half time team talk (perhaps explains why all passes went astray), his motivational presentation somehow revved City up for the second half.

This resulted in City starting very strongly, eagerly pushing for an equaliser. Regent, who suddenly realised the strength of the wind and under heavy pressure from the City team, struggled to string together their passes. To unlock the shackles, thankfully Jimmy demonstrated his Shane Warne flipper. Within touching distance of the left wing, he crossed the ball deep into the box … wind assisted – it bounced, and somehow swerved left pass the bamboozled goalkeeper, to make it 1-1.

Right full back Jeremy, impressed with such talent and willing to further state his case for the ‘up for grabs’ centre forward position, decided to go one better. This time from nearly the half way line, he hoisted (no other word to describe it) the ball in the air. In alignment with the gale force winds, and with no forward in sight, it then bounced before and over the keeper’s head. As his first EVER goal in a competitive match, he hadn’t quite prepared a goal celebration. Instead he ran back into his own half where there was no one! Whether this was to pretend he had scored from his own half or perhaps just to whisper in the Gaffer’s ear “My centre forward application is in”, no one really knows.

The third goal came from Paul C winning the ball off the defender. Having just missed a one on one with the keeper, he unselfishly laid the ball back to Harrison, who somehow manage to get his leg high enough off the ground to sweetly deflect the ball into goal.

With City now totally dominating the second half and further penalty decisions inextricably being turned down, the fourth goal quickly followed. From a marauding run from Paul E through the centre of midfield, he slipped it to an unmarked Paul C, who duly grunted loudly and placed it past their frozen to the ground keeper.         

Regent did not get into the City box in the second half, such was the strength of the wind and the intensity of City play.

In summary – against a strong Regent side City returned to winning ways and gave the frozen Ron S something to smile about on his road to recovery.

MMM Muppet Moments of Match – There were many so here are this week’s lucky winners;

·         Ron W’s – Christmas in July present to Regent.

·         The Gaffer’s very best attempt at goal … only to be shared by Ray’s which beat the 30 foot fencing and totally cleared the Bowls Club behind. PS BMW Doncaster – can we please have our ball back?

·         Paul E’s 5 metre hands and knees crawling attempt, just to impress the Gaffer. Or as described by one highly amused onlooker – “an imitation of a female mud wrestler, but without the mud, body, cloak or opponent”!!

·         Gid’s commitment to his ‘Defence Brotherhood fraternity’ – stopping Steve H’s certain goal bound shot from piercing the opposition net.    

BMW BoP Doncaster’s Best on Park – Jez for his first ever goal … and the longest ever Legend’s scoring shot. Well worth the wait … and please note that your Centre Forward interview is on Wednesday at 7pm.


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